Dear Annie: I am 36 years old, and I recently spoke to my dad. He raised me, and we have always been like best friends until I moved to Virginia, just because of the distance.

I have an older sister who lives at home and doesn’t care to work, and my dad basically raises her son. I told my dad my future ambitions to adopt a child, and his response was so incredibly negative.

I asked him why he treats me so harshly, and he said, “Because you’re the only daughter I have left to do something good with her life.”

I understand where he’s coming from, but I don’t want the things that he wants for me. I’m grown, pay my bills, have made it through school and have gotten married. How do I proceed respectfully? His opinion is important but to what degree?

Annie, your opinions are always honest. Please help. – Upset Daughter

Dear Upset Daughter: Your dad’s words come from his love for you, but they are also hurtful and dismissive of your independence.

Next time he insults one of your choices, tell him that you appreciate his concern and take his opinion seriously. Then explain that you have your own goals, and you’re not looking for feedback. He can either support them, or he can opt out of the conversation.

While it’s understandable to want his blessing, you also need to realize that you don’t need your father’s approval to pursue your dreams.

Dear Annie: I just read the letter from the mother of two sons who felt like she was not included the way her daughter-in-law’s mom was. I used to be in the exact same boat. I realized that I had to make my own place in my son’s family’s lives, so here’s what I did.

I would text and ask if the kids can come out and play on either this date or that date. Or I would say, “Hey, can we stop by sometime this week? I bought some apples and thought the kids might enjoy them.” I always gave a couple time or date options and then waited for my daughter-in-law to pick and respond.

At first, it was kind of a slow process, but after a few times, she not only responded quicker but also made some suggestions for other things. It showed we wanted to be more involved and not an afterthought. I hope this helps. — Loving Being Involved

Dear Love Being Involved: This is a great example of how taking initiative and refraining from taking things personally can change an entire family dynamic. Thank you for sharing.