In 2015, a graduating high school student gave an impactful commencement speech that succinctly illuminated to me what is wrong with today’s conversations. She stated that we all need to “listen for the sake of listening.” All too often, people listen only as a means to wait for an opportunity to speak, not with an intent to actually hear and understand what is being said by the person they’re listening to.

This past weekend, I was dismayed watching the replay of the Oval Office meeting between Ukrainian President Vladimir Zelensky and the President and Vice President of the United States. In the media aftermath of this event, all the mainstream news outlets and podcasters were [predictably] picking sides; finding flaws with either Zelensky, Trump, or Vance, and subjectively supporting “their side”. No one in mainstream media, however, is discussing ways this breakdown in conversation could have been avoided.

Any one of the three in the conversation could have averted this meeting’s degradation of dialogue by doing a better job listening. Keep in mind, Zelenskyy’s native language is not English. When someone is translating from one language to another, some words are not going to match. Each language also has its unique colloquial phrases that might not make sense in another language.

For example, what would it mean to you if I told you I was “going for a bike”?

How might this phrase be interpreted if I was translating into Korean?

Imagine, then, how much more nuance (and time) is needed to navigate intense conversations through interpretation.

Paraphrasing — if you don’t know or have not heard the term — is repeating the information you heard back to the person to whom you’re listening. Paraphrasing is an indicator of high respect in a relationship; showing the other person that you care enough to listen and want to understand. When you repeat the words back, the person you’re listening to has an opportunity to acknowledge you are hearing them correctly or clarify what they intend.

Another benefit to paraphrasing is slowing the conversation down to a level that’s manageable. This is especially important with emotionally charged settings, or difficult topics to try to resolve.

Paraphrasing could have saved the conversation in the oval office meeting. At one point, Zelenskyy was trying to explain that Ukraine — having been invaded by Russia and fighting a war against Russia for the last three years — is feeling pains that the United States doesn’t feel.

He added that even though the United States is separated from the Ukrainian-Russian war by the ocean, the United States might feel the pain from this war sometime in the future. At that moment Trump, or Vance could have simply asked, “What do you mean when you say the United States might feel pain?” But instead of listening to understand, President Trump spoke over top of President Zelensky, stating angrily, “Don’t tell us what we’re going to feel.”

A critical communication flaw of not paraphrasing was one of many flaws in this Oval Office meeting.

Relationships you value (spouse, friend, co-worker, partner, neighbor) are sustained by listening for the sake of listening, and seeking true understanding through paraphrasing. Incorporating these skills into your conversations will not only benefit your relationships, but will show a necessary positive example in this era of discord.

— Roger Schroeder is environmental administrator for Lyon County